Do you ever wonder, “How do people feel in my presence? How would I be remembered if I died today?” I have been pondering these two questions
since our dear friend Hugh Prather died suddenly of a heart attack on
November 15, 2010. Reflecting upon all our times with him, I realized that
I always felt loved in his presence. Though he was a national icon, he
remained humble and caring. I will always remember him as a friend who
truly knew how to love. For Hugh, loving was far more important than his
many writing and speaking accomplishments.
Hugh was the bestselling author of Notes to Myself, which started out as a
personal journal. On a whim in 1970 he sent the journal to a small
publisher, one without any financial means to do advertising. The book was
published and has sold over five million copies and has been translated
into ten languages. The New York Times called him the American Khalil
Gibran, and his books have been called the “Chicken Soup for the 70’s
Soul.”
While he lived in Santa Cruz with his family, we were able to visit him and
his wife Gayle quite often. One would never know that he was a famous
person. Rather than putting any attention on his own success, he focused
all of his energy on helping us with our successes in life. No matter what
topic we were talking about, I could look over at him and he would be
smiling and loving both Barry and me. I felt consistently wonderful just
being in his presence, and remember leaving those visits feeling his love
and belief in us.
In 1989 we lost our home to the big California earthquake. Hugh and Gayle
also suffered extensive damage to their home as well. When they learned
that we were in worse shape than they were, they dedicated two weeks to
helping us, along with our two small girls and infant son, move into
another home. This was an extremely difficult time for us, and yet Hugh’s
eyes, always filled with love and compassion, helped to sustain me. Even in
my suffering it felt so good to be in his presence.
I am quite sure that Hugh hoped and planned to live many more years. He
probably had at least ten more books on his creative list. In fact, he just
finished his latest book on the last day of his life.
A sudden death could happen to any of us, at any age, at any phase of our
life. How do you want to be remembered? Do you want to be remembered for
the criticism you gave, the resentment you wouldn’t let go of, or the
apology you refused to give? Do you want people to think of you as
dishonest, drinking too much and causing suffering, being uncaring and
insensitive, controlling and bullying others, or complaining and feeling
sorry for yourself. No one wants to be remembered in these ways.
I am quite sure that everyone reading this would want to be remembered as
someone who loved and cared. Therefore it is always good to ask ourselves
these reflective questions. “How do people feel in my presence? How will
I be remembered?” Perhaps it’s time to give that apology, let go of
that particular resentment, give the acknowledgment and appreciation that
is long overdue, and express your gratitude to another.
I’ll never forget Hugh Prather. I may forget his many accomplishments,
but I will never forget the consistent love that he showed. In his presence
I felt loved and honored as a human being. I know that he offered this same
gift to all those who were blessed to know him, especially his devoted wife
and two sons. In my mind, that is a life well lived.
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since
1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among
the world's top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They
are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, The
Heart’s Wisdom and Meant To Be.
Call Toll-Free 1-800-766-0629 (locally 831-684-2299) or write to the Shared
Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for free newsletter from
Barry and Joyce, further information on counseling sessions by phone or in
person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops.
Visit their web site at sharedheart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many
topics about relationship and living from the heart.
Please join Joyce and me in holding a vision of a world where women, men
and children of all nations, races and religions can see and feel the
divine in themselves and one another. Here is our current 2011 workshop
schedule. Joyce and I would love to see you at one of these events. Please
remember how important this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Together
let’s take another step on this journey into the heart of love and deeper
awareness, where real world healing begins. Peace be with you all.
FEB 26-27
ALBUQUERQUE, NM
Living from the Heart workshop at the Source Center, 1111 Carlisle Blvd SE.
$225 if paid in full by Jan 28. $250 if paid in full by Feb 11. $275 after
Feb 11. $50 non-refundable registration fee per person. $100 total
non-refundable per person after Feb 11. Mira 800/766-0629 or 831/684-2299.
Local contact and workshop content: Chery 505/991-0839
thesourceabq.com
MAR 27-APR 3, 2011
HAWAII “Couples in Paradise”
A week-long retreat just for couples that will transform your relationship.
This retreat is for you if you’re ready and willing for a quantum leap in
your relationship. The romantic quality of Hawaii and the luxury of having
a full week together will make this retreat truly life changing for each
couple that attends. We will focus on healing, renewal, communication,
forgiving, deepening the sexual relationship and rising, not falling, in
love with our partner. We will have couple meditations and yoga, inspiring
music, laughter and thrilling sight-seeing – in short, an extraordinary
heart-opening experience for you and your partner in the presence of
dolphins, whales, giant sea turtles, a beautiful black sand beach and the
nearby volcano, steam vents, and thermal warm ponds. Kalani Honua on the
Hilo side of the Big Island. Music by Charley Thweatt. Tuition:
$1950/couple. Lodging and meals: $1050-1820, depending on lodging option,
includes 21 gourmet meals. More info…
APR 15-17
WOMEN LIVING FROM THE HEART RETREAT with Joyce at our home-center
Give yourself a true spiritual gift. Empower yourself to more fully express
your divine feminine. The focus of this retreat will be the deepening of
our connection with the sacred and the supporting of ourselves and each
other as women to express all the beauty that is within us. Friday dinner
to Sunday lunch. Cost (includes six vegetarian meals and either camping,
bed-rolling or day use/local lodging): $295 if paid in full by Apr 8. $320
after Apr 8. $50 non-refundable deposit per person. $100 non-refundable
after Apr 8.
APR 30-MAY 1
PORTLAND COUPLES WORKSHOP
Location: Nanette and Joe’s studio. (503) 252-1451.
Times: Sat, 10am-6pm; Sun, 9am-4pm.
Cost per couple: (if paid in full by Apr 23) $495. $545 after Apr 23. $75
nonrefundable deposit. $150 nonrefundable after Apr 23. Payment plans,
partial scholarships & work-exchanges available.
MAY 27-30
ROWE, MA
East Coast “Couples Living From The Heart” Retreat. Memorial Day
Weekend at Rowe Retreat Center in the beautiful Berkshire Mountains. Music
by Scott Kalechstein. Call Rowe at 413-339-4954.
JUN 3-5
ESALEN INSTITUTE, BIG SUR, CA
The Shared Heart Retreat: The Couple's Journey to Wholeness. Learn skills
to dramatically improve your relationship, while luxuriating at one of the
most uniquely beautiful retreat centers we have ever visited. Work-trades
or alternative lodging available. Phone: 831-667-3005. …more info
JUL 10-15
KLAMATH RIVER, CA
White Water Adventure Quest (for adults and children 6 and older) Our 21st
annual Klamath River trip will again emphasize spiritual renewal,
celebrating nature’s simplicity and beauty, family bonding, and having
fun! We’ll journey for 5 days and 4 nights on Northern CA’s wild and
scenic “middle” Klamath River. 25 participants max, so please plan
ahead to avoid missing out on this trip of a lifetime. $795/adult and
$675/youth.
JUL 17-22
BREITENBUSH HOT SPRINGS, OR
Summer Renewal Retreat with music by Charley Thweatt. For individuals,
couples, and families. Each summer at Breitenbush Hot Springs Conference
Center, we witness individuals and couples moving through the barriers
which prevent them from fully loving. We rejoice as families are united and
children opened to their natural selves. The children’s program is alive
with art and movement, nature experiences and fun groups! The age groups
are 4-5, 6-8, 9-12, 13-15 & 16-19. The overall theme is “The Quest,” a
series of adventures leading toward self-discovery. This is the highlight
of the year for our whole family. Cost: adults $660-935 depending upon
lodging option. Children: FREE-$555 depending upon age. Registration: Mira
at The Shared Heart Foundation office toll-free 800-766-0629. Partial work
exchanges are available in the children’s program. More info…
OCT 8-9
GERMANY
Couples Retreat at Osterberg Institut near Hamburg.
OCT 18-24
ASSISI, ITALY
Living from the Heart Retreat for individuals and couples with music by
Charley Thweatt. More info…
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