Have you ever felt like you were too sensitive? Have you ever been hurt by something someone said to you, even though it wasn’t obvious that they were trying to be hurtful? Have you ever been with someone and you could feel their anger towards you, yet they deny it? This list of questions can go on and on. The answer to all of them is that you are not too sensitive -- you are beautifully sensitive.
I grew up in a loving home with my mother, father and a brother four years older than me. My brother was tested as genius intelligence and even as a child was on his way to becoming a world famous electrical engineer. My dad was also a brilliant engineer. Though I got excellent grades in school, my strength was my emotional intelligence. This is a quality that today is beginning to be recognized. Back in the early 50’s it was not. My family did not know what to do with a child that cried and showed emotion. I was easily hurt by what my brother considered “teasing.” This “teasing” would usually happen during meal time when I was young. My brother would say something to me that he thought was funny, but I would feel hurt. I would start to cry and my dad would say, “Joyce, you are too sensitive. You’ve got to learn to take a joke.”
Or someone would be angry in the house and no one would feel it but me. I would say something, or even begin to cry and again I was told, “Joyce you are too sensitive. You won’t be able to make it when you grow up. You have to overcome this.”
I loved my dad very much. And I knew his engineering mind was trying to fix me rather than understand my sensitive nature. He sincerely wanted the very best life for me and was a very good father in many ways. He simply didn’t understand sensitivity and saw mine as a huge stumbling block to my happiness in the world.
By the time I was in my twenties and living away from my parent’s home, I felt that my sensitivity was a huge handicap. Some people are blind, some are deaf or paralyzed. I was sensitive. My sensitivity seemed like a heavy burden that I must work to get rid of. I felt ashamed to be so sensitive. I tried meditation and yoga, but I only became more sensitive. Finally I realized that I could not get rid of this inner quality, and I must work to accept myself just as I am. For the past 33 years of my life, I have been on a path of accepting my sensitivity and am in the process of realizing that it is one of the most beautiful parts of who I am.
There are times when accepting my sensitivity is relatively easy. When we are leading workshops I can sense people’s needs and understand their feelings. When our three children were living at home, I could feel what was troubling them sometimes even before they realized it. When I am out in my garden I can sense what each plant needs. I am also sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of my husband Barry. I can hear the voice of my heart, my intuition, speaking silently to me. These parts of my sensitivity are beautiful for me.
There are also challenges to being sensitive. Recently a friend hurt my feelings through a comment he made. In the moment, I was unable to share my feelings as we were with a group of people that had come together for a focused reason. I sat in silence after the comment and felt the hurt first in my heart and then flowing throughout my body. I closed my eyes and right away remembered my dad’s words to me, “Joyce, you are too sensitive!” I started to feel ashamed at this level of sensitivity in me. Then I stopped this downward progression and very gently began an inner dialogue, “Joyce, I love that you are so sensitive. This is your greatest strength. Yes, it hurts sometimes, but it’s part of your beauty. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your sensitivity is beautiful.”
I kept up this inner dialogue until I no longer felt ashamed of my feelings. When it was appropriate, I was able to talk to my friend and work out the feelings. I have had to use this inner dialogue on numerous occasions. When I am by myself or feel comfortable around others I also put my arms around myself while I carry on this inner dialogue.
Barry used to have a hard time with my sensitivity. But now he has come to accept that it has blessed his life as well. He tells me that my sensitivity has given him permission to open more to his own deeper sensitivity.
I am not too sensitive and neither are you. No one is. We are beautifully sensitive. Our feelings have been given to us as a gift. Yes, there are challenges in this world for the sensitive person, but the positive aspects of being sensitive far surpass the negative.
Joyce and Barry Vissell, a nurse and medical doctor couple since 1964 whose medicine is now love, are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, The Heart’s Wisdom and Meant To Be.
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