“The mind seeks an easy relationship. The heart seeks a spiritual partner.”
—The Shared Heart
This particular quote, written 27 years ago in our first book, has been quoted more times than anything else we have written. How natural for our minds to try to avoid pain and find an easy relationship, when in truth our heart, the deeper place of wisdom within us, is seeking a true partner.
When a relationship ends it is vitally important to spend enough time alone, listening to our hearts, fully feeling all our feelings, and learning the lessons of the relationship. So much energy has most likely been spent in first trying to make the relationship work and then in the process of ending the relationship. The time when a relationship actually ends can seem without focus or purpose. The tendency with most people is to distract themselves, become depressed, be consumed with anger for the other person or anger at themselves. A big distraction is the internet matching services and all its promises of finding that “easy” partner. All too often people are back on the internet looking before the present relationship has even officially ended.
The space immediately after ending a relationship can be a very valuable period in our lives. If a person distracts themselves or rushes into another relationship, the gifts and lessons of the previous relationship could be difficult to bring forth. Even hours spent “harmlessly” going over prospective relationship profiles on the internet can distract a person from the true work of learning from a past relationship. As long as a person is looking outward, he or she can not do the important work of looking inward. A friend of ours ended a relationship of four years in which a child had been born. He described his life as a giant jigsaw puzzle which had dropped to the ground. Some major pieces stayed together, others separated and went all over. He realized he could quickly gather the pieces, stuff them into a sack and, before the puzzle was whole, begin a new relationship. He saw how, once a new relationship had begun, he would be building a new puzzle without the other one being complete. He realized he needed to take time and bring the broken puzzle to wholeness and this completion would open the door for the new.
The period between relationships is rich with lessons and growth. Focusing blame on either your partner or upon yourself will blind you to the divine lesson to be learned. Spend time in silence asking yourself why you were brought together with this person. What is the lesson to be learned? What were the gifts you were able to give in the relationship? What further gifts would you like to give in your next relationship? What gifts did you receive? Then focus on gratitude for the time spent with this person. We feel that there is a destiny to each relationship. There is a divine hand helping to bring two people together. Sometimes a relationship is long term, sometimes short. But regardless of the length, all relationships come to teach us something important. Our book, Meant To Be, tells amazing true stories of finding love, renewing love, and love that survives even death. Some of those relationships are not long, but all of them are “meant to be,” for they bring life-changing lessons of love. The key to success in all relationships, long or short, is to be continually learning how to open our hearts.
This past relationship was a gift from the universe given to both of you according to the highest wisdom of both of your needs. As you can feel your gratitude for the relationship, understanding and wisdom — and therefore peace — will come. In time your heart will truly open to the other person and you will feel the blessing of the relationship. The fact that the relationship did not last as long as you had hoped will cease to be important. The realization that you learned and grew and opened your heart will bless your entire life. If you are having trouble finding peace from a past relationship, seek professional help from someone who deeply understands the relationship process. It is vitally important for you to have a resolution within your heart, before you begin to seek a new relationship.
If there is a strong desire in your heart for a healthy relationship, then know it is there for a reason and you deserve that fulfilling love in your life. Taking this important time to do the work of the heart between relationships, can bring healing and openness for this new partner. Feel how much you already love this person, and that love becomes a magnet that will draw the person to you. Remember your mind is going to seek something easy, but your heart will seek a true spiritual partner where you will both grow in love, understanding, healing and respect. We hope you will make the choice to follow your heart.
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