Betrayal and the Gift of Forgiveness

Have you ever been lied to or betrayed by someone you loved and trusted? Have you ever been harmed physically or had a medical procedure that left you worse off than before? Has anyone ever harmed one of your children? Has anyone not believed you when you were telling the truth? Has anyone you loved walked away from the relationship and refused to try to work out the differences? Everyone has been hurt by someone else. How do we get rid of the hurt and move on with our lives. How can we forgive?

How We Internalize Blame

We all carry some degree of self-blame, ways we accuse or condemn ourselves. Often these feelings come from our childhood, where we were blamed for mistakes we made. It’s sad how other people’s blame of us can turn into our blame of ourselves, which then often becomes our secret shame, and can keep us from the happiness we want. When we blame ourselves, it’s then easy to go to step two, which is unworthiness. Rather than seeing ourselves as good people who made mistakes, we can easily choose toxic blame which says we didn’t make mistakes, we ARE the mistakes. With toxic self-blame, there is the deep and hidden feeling that we don’t deserve to be happy and free.

The Screen Free Day: A Great Gift

When our son was young, one of his closest friend’s mother was a rabbi at the local temple. I was especially fascinated by how this family observed each Sabbath. They truly rested for 24 hours from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. They did not answer the phone, except if those calls involved their son. So if I was calling about logistics for the day for volleyball or going skiing and taking their son, they would pick up the phone. They would not answer all other calls, except emergencies. They did not go on their computer at all. They allowed their bodies and minds to rest and be recharged. I thought it was the loveliest of all traditions and I admired them greatly for doing this.

My Love of Solitude and My Fear of Aging

Typically once a year I go on a solo adventure. I’m called by solitude. It balances the deep work I do in the counseling and workshops. My first choice is being alone with Joyce, the best of both worlds. The two of us have a beautiful balance of solitude, silence and the delight of relationship. Being alone with my beloved in the wilderness adds, for me, the element of joy, the nectar of sensuality, the conversations which become voyages of discovery into one another’s souls, and the comfort of taking sweet care of each other, each in our own way. But alas, Joyce is sometimes not up for the magnitude of my adventures.

Making Love to a Woman

I have spoken to many men who admit that sex is their way to love. The physical act of sex helps them to open their hearts to connect with their partners. Whereas many women need heart connection first so they can be open to sex. Many couples, therefore, are truly stuck. He wants sex in order to feel love. She wants love in order to enjoy sex.

Our Need for Acknowledgment and Blessing

There is a great need in every human being to be acknowledged and blessed by another person, especially their parent. People often strive to receive acknowledgment of who they are. When they do not receive acknowledgment or blessing, they can feel hopeless or unworthy.

In the children’s movie, “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs,” the boy, knowing that his town was in desperate need of food, creates a way for food to come from the sky. Everyone is grateful to him including the mayor of the city. However, the one person that he really wants to acknowledge him is his father. His father has never been able to communicate his love and acceptance to his son, so even in the face of the boy saving the city, he still complains that the food is too big or is falling down too heavy. In the movie you can see the boy shrivel up when his father cannot even acknowledge him for such a great thing.

My iPod Miracle: Confirming the Essential Goodness of Life

If we simply pay attention to all that happens to us throughout the day, we will be astounded by the love and care given to us every moment. But if we don’t pay attention, we can easily miss the sometimes disguised touch of the angels.

The other day was a perfect example. Joyce and I had just received not just one, but three communications of bad news. On top of that, we couldn’t even take our beloved walks together, special times where we can process most anything. Joyce’s knee pain prevented her from walking, so she had to get her daily exercise biking or swimming. I would have loved to join her, but our three goldens would be too disappointed. The walks are the highlight of their day.