When
our son was young, one of his closest friend’s mother was a rabbi at the local
temple. I was especially fascinated by how this family observed each Sabbath.
They truly rested for 24 hours from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. They
did not answer the phone, except if those calls involved their son. So if I was
calling about logistics for the day for volleyball or going skiing and taking
their son, they would pick up the phone. They would not answer all other calls,
except emergencies. They did not go on their computer at all. They allowed
their bodies and minds to rest and be recharged. I thought it was the loveliest
of all traditions and I admired them greatly for doing this.
I
thought about their tradition for many years. How could I bring a day of rest
and inner reflection into our family? Barry and I decided to make Sunday our
special day of rest and recharging. Our intention was good, but soon we were
going on the computer for “just a little” to check an important email. That
“just a little” would turn into several hours and soon a big part of the day
would be over. So we decided that every Sunday we would be computer (and work)
free. The computers would not be turned on at all and we would not use our
smartphones to check emails or do texting. The only thing that would stay on
would be the cell phone with a special ring for our grown children in case they
need to get in touch with us.
I
would like to say that it was easy to leave our computers and smart phones off.
It wasn’t. I was surprised at how addicted we had both become to checking
emails, texts and getting work done on the computer. I was used to checking my
emails every hour or so and responding right away. I was used to constantly
checking for texts and getting back to people right away. And when that habit
is taken away for one day, we are left with ourselves. And that is the most
beautiful gift of all.
As
with most addictions, it took discipline to not turn on the computers. I had to
keep reminding myself that there was a beautiful gift in being free of them for
one full day. As Barry and I continued with our Sundays, we grew to love the
absence of the computer. We could instead focus on each other more and do fun
things like new hikes, bike rides or gardening. We rested in the sun and had
lovely talks and would spend time feeling and expressing our gratitude. We read
to each other special spiritual verses that inspired us. We appreciated each
other. And often on such a relaxing day, we would make love together and then
linger in bed just enjoying being together. We would make dinner together and
eat by candle light and then go to sleep very early for the night. We find that
our sleep is much deeper Sunday night with the absence of computers and
smartphones during the day.
This
practice has brought amazing gifts to our relationship and to our health. The
rest and peace from being computer free for one day stays with me all week. I
find that I look forward to these screen free days very much and then, when
Monday comes and it is time to turn back on the computer, I can do so with more
consciousness and wisdom about how long to stay on. It no longer feels like an
addiction, but more of a choice. I have found that no email or text is so
important that it cannot wait one day. My health and peace are much more
important.
When
Barry and I were raising our first two children we did not have a computer.
Every Sunday was family day and we did wonderful outdoor things with our
daughters. We all looked forward to these adventures very much. By the time our
son came along we had a computer. Perhaps from seeing his dad on the computer
so much (I resisted computers for a long time), he wanted to be on the computer
as well. We had to set limits and it took much discipline to enforce them.
Finally for him as well we claimed Sunday as a computer free day. He rebelled
at first, but eventually he also grew to love the day as we did fun things as a
family. I believe it is from these once a week computer free days that he
learned the value of not letting the computer and screen time dominate his life.
When he went to college he was surprised at how much his fellow classmates
stayed on their computer, when there was a whole wonderful world of fun and
adventure just outside the building.
We
have asked several people to join us in this tradition. One dear couple in
Norway decided to also be computer free on Sundays. We all shook hands and
promised one another to carry on the tradition. We recently talked with them
and asked them how it was going. The man was not that much into the computer so
he loved it as he got more quality time with his wife. His wife said that she
was enjoying the time with her husband and the hikes out in the snow. She
reported that one Sunday when it was raining and cold outside she wanted so
much to go on her computer, but she remembered shaking hands and the promise we
all made. So she baked a cake that she has always been wanting to try. It
turned out delicious and she was able to give pieces to friends and family and
it made her very happy.
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