Free Hugs

Early one December, some friends emailed Joyce and me a link to a video clip called “Free Hugs.” It begins with a young man standing on a busy sidewalk in Sydney, Australia, holding a sign reading, “free hugs.” People are awkwardly walking past him, some averting their eyes, some looking obviously embarrassed, some declining with forced smiles. Finally an elderly women walks up to him for a hug. He towers above her so he drops to his knees for the embrace. He says something to her and she tenderly places a hand on his face. A momentum of love seems to be building. More and more people stop for hugs, some staying with the man to help give out hugs.

Sitting there at my computer with tears in my eyes, I felt a powerful desire to do the same thing as this young man. I admired his courage to stand there with his sign, continually pushing past his fears of rejection.

Sunday evening,  Joyce and I hosted our annual holiday gathering/ceremony. Sitting in our crowded living room with friends and family, we lit Chanukah and Advent candles. Joyce and I have a tradition of deciding two themes each as we lit a total of four candles. My first candle was for peace, and we sat in silence sending peace to the world. Joyce then lit a candle dedicated to giving our love to others. As she spoke, I remembered the “Free Hugs” film clip and embers of my desire fanned into a flame once more.

For my next candle, I continued with Joyce’s theme of giving love, but added the element of taking a risk to give love. Often, giving love requires a very real risk to move past our fear of rejection, like being the first to reach out to an estranged friend or family member, or letting someone know we want to spend more time with them, or speaking our sincere appreciations at the dinner table.

I remember the fear we felt after pouring our hearts out in our first book, The Shared Heart. Our hearts were trembling as we sent the first copies out to reviewers, family and friends. It felt right to take the risk, face our fear of rejection, and send our love out in the world in the form of books.

I announced to the group in our living room my intention to make a “free hug” sign and bring it to the busiest place in the county, the Pacific Garden Mall in downtown Santa Cruz. Later that evening, a number of people offered to go with me, but I realized bringing a group would eliminate (for me) the risk of rejection. I wanted to face my fears head on.

At the store, I stood in front of the blank sign boards. I picked up a small board that would allow me to be more discreet – ie less afraid – and almost walked away with it. I put it back and decided upon the large sign. Back at home I used the largest marker I could find to make large block letters that could be seen from a block away – FREE HUGS. I chose my date: Saturday, December 23, when the streets would be the most crowded with last minute Christmas shoppers.

Friday evening, Joyce suggested I dress up as Santa, saying I’d get more hugs, especially from children. At first I vetoed her idea, thinking it was less of a risk. After all, then people walking by would be rejecting Santa – not me. Then I thought about the children, who would almost certainly walk past me without hugging. That did it – Santa it would be.

I parked the next day in downtown Santa Cruz. Yes, I was nervous and excited. Putting the final touches on the Santa outfit, I reached into the back of the car and removed the sign, which now seemed enormous and may as well have read, “COME SEE THIS CRAZY MAN,” rather than “FREE HUGS.”  Steeling myself, I marched downtown.

Stopping on a busy street corner, I raised the sign over my Santa hat for all to see. Predictably, people awkwardly walked right on past me. I wondered how long I would need to wait for the first hug … minutes … hours? It turned out to be less than a minute. A woman rushed up to me saying, “Can I hug Santa?” We hugged. I wished her the happiest of holidays. And just like in the video clip, the momentum built. People of every age wanted hugs. Sometimes there was a line-up. I was surprised by how many people mentioned the “Free Hugs” clip on the internet. I learned to recognize the people who would hug me. Their eyes would actually light up 30-50 feet away, and I knew a hug was on the way. One sad-looking man said, “I really need a hug.” While I held him, he cried and thanked me. A woman said, “This is the first free thing I’ve gotten this whole holiday season.” Another woman said, “This is the best I’ve felt all month.”

I wasn’t content to simply give and receive a hug. I let my heart guide me to speak something loving to each person, to wish them a great holiday season, to let them know what a great hugger they were, to urge them to pass the hugs along to those they knew or loved.

But by far the best part was the children. Many of them had never gotten a hug from Santa. Oh the looks of wonder in those innocent little eyes! Some of the children didn’t want to leave. And surprise, many teens were open and willing to hug.

People have asked me how many hugs I gave and received. I didn’t count, but my guess was around 200-300 in one and a half hours on duty. By the time I got back to my car, I was exhilarated.

No, you don’t have to carry a sign and give free hugs to strangers. There are many ways to push past your fear of rejection and give your love – or give your unique gifts to the world. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but have been afraid of rejection, or failure? Is there someone you’ve wanted to love more fully, but keep putting it off because of fear? Fear is nothing but False Evidence Appearing Real. It is a smoke-screen you can walk right through, and on the other side there is more love for you to experience.