A Mother’s Final Gift - Book Excerpt

[We are excerpting one last time from our new book, A Mother’s Final Gift:  How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family] My mother died three years ago, and her death and dying process has changed my life. I’ve never been afraid of death itself. Rather, I’ve been afraid of the process it takes to get there. My mother’s dying process played out my worst nightmare. She became incontinent, and had to have her granddaughters, daughter and son-in-law change her diapers. In the last weeks, she was totally dependent on other people for everything. She was not able to get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, or even change to a more comfortable position in bed. Plus, she was at times in significant pain.

You Can't Run Away

There is no way to avoid pain in our lives. Pain does not come as a punishment, but rather as an opportunity for growth. When we can learn from the pain and receive it's gift, then we are free to go on. There is no such thing as successfully running away from pain. Sooner or later the feelings catch up with us.

Is Your Picker Broken?

At a community event, a woman recognized and approached Joyce and me. She said, part joking and part serious, “I need your help. My ‘picker' is broken.” Noticing the confused looks on our faces, she continued, “Every man I pick for a relationship turns out to be wrong. I've finally realized I have a broken picker. Can you help me fix it?” 

Ten Minute Spiritual Challenge

There are many things that are important in a healthy couple relationship: communication, healing the past, respect, appreciation, gratitude, sexuality, co-operation, compromise, having fun together, and the list goes on. But the most important is allowing for spiritual time when two people can connect soul to soul and heart to heart. This type of connection is the deepest and most fulfilling for two people, for it allows the inner spiritual being to be felt by the other. By “spiritual” we don't necessarily mean “religious,” but rather a conscious recognition of something (an energy or love) bigger than your bodies, egos, and personalities.

Living With Passion and Enthusiasm

Our golden retriever Charley has taught us a lot about life. When he was a younger dog we would take him for long walks along the beach. He assumed that each person on the beach would like nothing more than to give him a pet. He would run up to people, sit down politely and wag his tail. Most people took his friendliness good naturedly. When people resisted him he would sit patiently in front of them wagging his tail and just looking them in the eye. His unconditional love and patience for all of humanity soon won over even the most dog resistant person and he would receive the longed for pet and then run on his way to the next person. In Charley’s world there was no room for rejection. He assumed that with enough love (and time), the person would come around and they did. Whenever my fear of rejection blocks my passion and enthusiasm, I think of Charley and his dauntless spirit. I never saw him give up on anyone.

Healing Our Relationship With Our Parents

Many years ago, Joyce and I learned how important it was to heal our relationship with our parents, to especially confront the memories and experiences of our childhood and adolescence, and then open communication with them. If we don’t do this, we place at risk every relationship we currently have. Unresolved issues with our parents have a sneaky way of invading especially our close relationships.

Our Healing Hands

Our hands can be used as beautiful instruments of healing and we do not necessarily need to be specially trained. All we need is love in our hearts and a belief that healing is possible.

When our daughter Rami was five years old I was teaching her about the healing energy that can come through our hands. We practiced on teddy bears and dolls. When she was five and a half years old her sister was born and my mother came to help me. Grandma got sick with bronchitis and fever. This went on for over a week, and antibiotics did not seem to be helping. One day, while she was sleeping, Rami slipped quietly into her room. She placed her small hands on Grandma’s chest and concentrated on sending healing energy to her. My mother woke up and said it felt as if an angel were touching and healing her. Several hours later her fever broke for the first time, and by the next day she was beginning to feel better. Was it a coincidence that she started to get better right away after Rami’s “healing session?” Perhaps it was, but we like to feel that Rami’s innocent gesture of pouring her love and energy through her hands to Grandma opened a door of healing.