Nice...Or Really Loving?

At a recent workshop, a participant I will call Warner asked for more and more attention from Joyce and me. We’d spend time helping him, and pretty soon he’d be asking for more help without his ever acknowledging our efforts. He wasn’t content with only asking during the workshop sessions. He would find us even during breaks and insist that we spend private time with him. He was irritating us both, yet we kept trying to be compassionate. 

A Blue Ribbon for Love

We have a delightful family hobby of raising golden retriever puppies once a year. We’ve owned and loved goldens for 35 years and are dedicated to bringing only the highest quality dogs into the world. The entire family comes together for this project, and we have so much fun with the puppies, raising them with as much love as we can. As part of this hobby, we march in our town’s parade each July 4. We invite as many of our former puppies and their owners as possible to come and march with us. This is definitely a small town parade, with children on bikes, antique cars, local bands, dancing troupes, and seven or eight dog groups. Although blue ribbons are given for the best entries, we are totally unattached to winning. 

Do You Feel Responsible For Other People's Happiness

One July, Joyce and I were sitting on a sandy beach of the Klamath River with a group of participants during the first morning meditation of our annual white water adventure. Joyce asked each of us to reflect on what we most wanted from the 5-day trip. Even though we are the leaders/facilitators, it is still important to both of us to fully and vulnerably participate. When it was my turn to share, I told the group how it gives me great joy to share the river with others, to witness each person as they open their heart and quiet their mind amidst the surrounding beauty, and find their own joy in this amazing natural playground. Then I humbled myself and revealed the other side of this process, the part of me that gets caught in feeling responsible for other people’s happiness. I admitted to an unconscious attitude that it’s especially up to me for people to enjoy themselves. Charley Thweatt, at our summer renewal retreat at Breitenbush Hot Springs, sometimes sings the following line when the children are present, “Who decides if I have a good time?” Then everyone loudly sings, “I do, I do.” In my heart I understand this quite well, but there remains an unconscious part of my soul that still occasionally sings, “Who decides if you have a good time? I do, I do!”

Receiving Love From Our Parents

As my precious mother was in the last months or years of her life, I found myself reflecting on our relationship together. I find great comfort in knowing that I have truly given to her from my heart. I also feel comfort in knowing that I have received the love that she has for me. As I look into her almost 90 year old wrinkled face, I can feel the connection that runs into the depths of my soul. I love my mother totally and completely, but this love has not been a condition of her being a perfect mother. My mother has made mistakes, some of which have hurt me very much. And I am sure that I have made mistakes that have hurt her, but we have a non-spoken agreement that we will just keep on loving one another, despite our imperfections.

Why Do We Settle In Our Relationships?

Phillip was forty-five years old and dating a wonderful woman, Beatrice, who adored him. Yet he was unhappy. He blamed himself for lacking enough gratitude for his relationship with Beatrice. He blamed himself for not feeling sexually attracted to her, even though he considered her beautiful. He blamed himself for the almost continuous and nagging feeling that they were not right for each other, even though they got along well and felt comfortable with each other. He revealed perhaps most of all when he said, “I’m afraid this will be my last chance at relationship, that there will be no one else for me.” 

Swallowing Divine Guidance

Each day our heart gives us pure and simple guidance to live our lives in fulfillment and peace. It is our human nature to either ignore this guidance altogether, listen to it and then decide that our mind knows better, or else take the risk to listen and follow it. It is such a mystery as to why we choose to ignore this flow of wisdom within us, and yet we all do. Perhaps if we truly knew that this wisdom comes from a very loving place and is meant to bless our lives we would listen more often and carefully. This truth was brought home to me a few days ago.

Free Hugs

Early one December, some friends emailed Joyce and me a link to a video clip called “Free Hugs.” It begins with a young man standing on a busy sidewalk in Sydney, Australia, holding a sign reading, “free hugs.” People are awkwardly walking past him, some averting their eyes, some looking obviously embarrassed, some declining with forced smiles. Finally an elderly women walks up to him for a hug. He towers above her so he drops to his knees for the embrace. He says something to her and she tenderly places a hand on his face. A momentum of love seems to be building. More and more people stop for hugs, some staying with the man to help give out hugs.

Sitting there at my computer with tears in my eyes, I felt a powerful desire to do the same thing as this young man. I admired his courage to stand there with his sign, continually pushing past his fears of rejection.