"Angels on the Road"

Barry: If we only knew how many times we are rescued by divine intervention, we would completely trust this higher power. There would then be nothing to worry about – ever! Joyce and I had yet another powerful reminder of this truth – and divine miracle – last week.

In honor of both of us turning seventy this month (there’s no more denying it – we are both seniors!), we rented our favorite house in Hana, Maui, for eight days, and had a wonderful vacation with our three grown children, one of our children’s significant other, and our five-year-old grandson. Six weeks post-op from a partial knee replacement, it was a real joy for me to actually hike without pain for the first time in several years.

On the way back to the airport from remote Hana, we had a flat tire. No problem! Even at seventy, I was confident that I could change a tire in less than ten minutes. We had left an extra hour early just in case. I opened the trunk of the rental car, emptied out all our luggage, and lifted up the flap to expose the spare tire. There was no spare tire! Instead, there was a small twelve-volt air pump and a “flat-fixer” that somehow attached to it. Our son, John-Nuri, who was in our car, figured out how to attach the “flat-fixer.” I plugged in the pump and watched, satisfied, as the tire started to inflate.

Turning off and removing the pump, we heard the loud hiss and realized the flat was not fixed. “Okay, everyone back in the car,” I ordered. “Let’s see how far we can travel with the leak.”

We were maybe forty-five minutes from the airport. I started driving. Five minutes later, the tire pressure was obviously too low to continue driving. I pulled over and we repeated the process, hoping the “flat-fixer” might work after a second try.

No luck! I got another five minutes closer to the airport. (Note to self: never, ever, rent a car without a spare tire!)

Now we recognized we were in trouble. John-Nuri’s flight was twenty minutes earlier than ours, so we needed to reach our daughters, Rami and Mira, who were ahead of us somewhere. We finally did, and they doubled back to meet us. I had the brilliant thought to check if their car had a spare tire. It did! But the tire iron did not fit our tires nuts! No luck there!

John-Nuri squeezed into their car with his luggage, and off they went. Our children felt terrible leaving us on the side of the road. Joyce and I understood the reality that we very likely would miss our flight home. First, we called the rental car company to see if they could help. All they could do was refer us to a taxi company, who we immediately called. They said they could come get us in three hours. Great! We were told that we could leave the rental car on the side of the road and they would come and get it in a matter of hours.

Joyce: My main discipline right now is to try to see everything as an opportunity to trust more fully in God. When the tire went flat, I was sure that somehow the angels would come down and magically fix the tire or, at the very least, allow us to get to the airport. While Barry and our son were using the pump, I put my hands on the tire and prayed for a miracle. I visualized the tire surrounded in light. But then it became apparent that this car was not going to get us to the airport.

Barry and I pulled all of our luggage out of the car and stood on the side of the road. We were both praying for help and we must have looked rather pathetic, two senior citizens standing by their luggage, waving their hands and begging for help on the side of a very remote and winding road. Twenty minutes went by and not one vehicle stopped. It was now 12:10 and our flight was at 1:20. We were still at least 35 minutes from the airport, and knew the airlines had a strict policy. We would not be able to check in less than 40 minutes before our flight. We got a very sinking feeling inside that the plane with our family would leave without us, and we would have to wait until the next day, with no place to stay and no car to drive.

An old white van pulled up with two Hawaiian men. It was a son, perhaps in his forties, and his elderly father. They listened to our sad story and agreed to take us to the airport. The son told us he doubted we would make it in time for the flight, but the father said, “Let’s give it a try,” and off we went.

We told them how grateful we were and the son said, “I’ve learned that all of life is meant to be lived in gratitude. Gratitude is the key to a good life.” When asked if we could pay them, the father said that the best payment would be to “pay it forward” and help someone else.

The town of Paia, which is normally very congested with traffic, was totally clear and we sailed right through what can take an extra half hour. The son knew of a short cut that was just completed. He miraculously got us to the airport one minute before the 40 minute deadline. The Hawaiians told us to run and we took off. The gate agents took our bags and again told us to hurry as fast as we could.

We were the last people on the plane, sweating and out of breath, but we made it. Our children were thrilled and surprised!  As I sat in my seat and closed my eyes, I distinctly heard my inner voice quietly say, “Trust Me, I have your back!”  This was yet another opportunity to trust.

Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world's top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk to Be Healed, The Heart’s Wisdom, Meant to Be, and A Mother’s Final Gift.

Call Toll-Free 831-684-2299 or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for further information on counseling sessions by phone or in person.

"Poggio Bustone: Knowing We are Forgiven"

Joyce and I are trudging up a very steep rocky trail near the top of a mountain high above the Rieti Valley in central Italy. We left our friend Evelyn down at the end of the road at the monastery of Poggio Bustone. The drive up the winding mountain road with sheer cliff drop-offs was plenty enough adventure for her. It’s only 900 or so more feet of elevation gain to the top of the mountain, where lay a more primitive monastery. Right! Only 900 feet! Practically straight up the mountain…

About 800 years ago, Saint Francis also climbed this mountain. Only he did it barefoot and without a trail! It was a time in his life when he realized he could not go on without feeling God’s complete forgiveness. You see, his early life was filled with riotous living, drinking, partying, orgies and, even worse, fighting in battles against neighboring towns. Although there are no direct references, I am convinced that he must have experienced violence, even killing or wounding other men.

In his early twenties, he began to turn his life over to God, but he had to know he was forgiven for the unconscious actions of his former years. So he climbed this mountain, found a cave near the top, and sequestered himself away from the world to seek complete forgiveness. He was determined not to leave that cave until he knew for certain that he was forgiven. We don’t know exactly how long he meditated and prayed on that mountain, but we do know that he finally received a clear message from God: he was completely forgiven. Thus began a new phase in Francis’ life. He no longer had to carry the heavy burden of his past transgressions.

Like most things and places of Saint Francis, the original cave has been transformed into a small chapel. It’s just too high and steep to be made into a “proper” cathedral. Yet it still retains a certain rustic simplicity and sacred feeling as a place of pilgrimage for the few hardy souls willing to make the trek.

And, like Saint Francis, Joyce and I, a few years ago, were also climbing the mountain to seek forgiveness. We have often spoken about the unconscious actions of our younger years. I have always considered Joyce’s misdeeds as “lightweight.” Like once she stole a piece of fruit from a neighbor’s tree, and her parents marched her down the street to apologize. We both, on the other hand, have considered many of my teenage acting out to be a bit more major, and some could have been punishable by prison time. I have stolen things, unfortunately a lot of things. I have been mean. I have engineered some “pranks” that have ended up nearly scaring people to death. I could go on, but perhaps you get the picture.

Tired from the climb, we arrived at the simple stone addition to the original cave. We opened the rough-hewn wooden door and entered the cool interior. We were alone. It would have been completely dark except for a shaft of light coming in from a tiny window up high on a wall. We found a place to sit in front of a crude altar, and began to ask for forgiveness.

Bottom line, both Joyce and I expected me to be sitting in the primitive chapel for a long time. Perhaps Joyce would feel forgiveness, and then she could do some sightseeing or sunbathing outside while she waited for me to finish my big ordeal.

But that’s not what happened! Instead, I closed my eyes, preparing to list off my offenses. Within minutes, I felt complete forgiveness for all my actions! My first thought was, “Wait. This was too easy! I haven’t worked and sweated hard enough to earn complete forgiveness. I haven’t even gone through the whole list.” But I still felt an almost overwhelming sense of God’s unconditional forgiveness. I felt light as a feather with the divine assurance that nothing I have ever done could keep me from my worthiness for divine love.

There is a famous line from the Course in Miracles, “God does not forgive because He (She) never has condemned.” I have been the only one condemning myself. The Divine Presence is forgiveness. Forgiveness can never be earned. It is freely given at all times.

So many of us, as children, have been misled into thinking we needed to earn our parents’ love and forgiveness. If only I was better behaved, or did things right, or apologized more, then I’d prove my worthiness to mom and dad. We then make God into a higher version of our parents. But this is futile. The Great Spirit loves us no matter what we’ve done. God sees all our actions, in the great experiment of free will, as a holy learning and growing process.

Joyce was, needless to say, surprised to see me stand up and leave the chapel after only a few minutes. Her first thought was, “Oh dear. The task is just too hard for Barry. He had to give up.” Outside, when she heard my experience of spontaneous forgiveness, she smiled and embraced me in one of her wonderful hugs.

Here are a few opportunities to bring more love and growth into your life, at the following longer events led by Barry and Joyce Vissell: Oct 11-17—Assisi Retreat, Italy; Feb 2-12, 2017—Hawaii Couples Retreat; Jul 16-21, 2017—Shared Heart Summer Retreat at Breitenbush Hot Springs, OR.

Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world's top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk to Be Healed, The Heart’s Wisdom, Meant to Be, and A Mother’s Final Gift.

Call Toll-Free 1-800-766-0629 (locally 831-684-2299) or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for further information on counseling sessions by phone or in person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their web site at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.

"Are You More Important Than Your Cell Phone?"

Cell Phones play a very important part in our lives right now. Who knows what ten years will bring, but for now they are almost like an attachment to the person who owns them. Recently I was going to our local gym to swim. I decided to just wait in my car and rest for a bit before walking in. I was parked so that I could see the people entering and leaving. Every single young person under the age of forty walked in while texting. Others a bit older walked in talking on their phone. And one remarkably brave soul just walked in with no cell phone in hand.

Last week we returned from Italy via Washington DC. At the very long line of passport clearance almost every single person, myself included, were on their cell phones. People buy expensive cases to protect their phones. And what happens if a phone announces that its battery is now at 10%? Most people act immediately. No one wants their cell phone to run out of power. A plan is quickly put in place to recharge the battery, no matter how inconvenient.

But what about us? Are we not more important than our cell phones? Our “batteries” run low as well. Few people are as urgent to charge their own batteries as they are to charge up their cell phone. We push and push ourselves to keep going and we don’t pay attention to our own battery or need to be recharged. We know one woman who had no idea how depleted her batteries were. She left for work one morning, collapsed in her front yard and was rushed to the emergency room. Her diagnosis: exhaustion!

Our own wellbeing is vastly more important than our cell phone. When our cell phones are dangerously low and we finally can plug them into electricity, there is such a good feeling from knowing that we are taking care of our cell phone and giving it what it needs. We deserve so much more!

Our need to recharge and connect to our power is so important. Some people try to ignore the need to be recharged through addictions. This can numb the need for recharging, but it will never recharge us. Many people watch TV. Even your favorite show can be entertaining, but it cannot recharge you. Recharging comes from a true connection to your source of power. Imagine trying to charge your cell phone by showing it your favorite TV show, giving it a beer, or taking it on a long shopping spree. It’s a silly image and obviously it doesn’t work. The same is true of us. Just as our cell phones need their real connection to electricity, so do we need a real connection to recharge.

So how do we recharge? Whatever it takes to connect with Source, God, Divine Love, The Infinite Being, whatever words you use to refer to the higher power, will bring a sense of recharging. These are my favorite ways of connecting. I like to sit outside and look at my garden. While looking at it I like to feel all of the things I am grateful for. The act of gratitude brings an opening of my heart. I also like to work in my garden. Just even a small amount of gardening can help to connect me with the earth. I like to lie down on the grass without a blanket under me so that I can have direct contact with the earth. Even lying there for half an hour is like a giant connection back to my source. I like walking our dog Rosie in the woods. I love being alone with Barry and using the time in a quiet way of connecting and feeling our love for one another. I like to pray either alone or with Barry and feel the closeness of our Creator and feel that I am loved and being protected. Feeling the spiritual power around me is the most important way that I recharge.

Some people like to go to a retreat or special place. It can be important to retreat from the noise of the world and just be with ourselves. Some people get recharged by being creative, writing songs, creating art pieces, singing, or cooking an amazing meal. Some parents find that if they dedicate a longer than usual period of time to just playing with their child, joining their child in their level of play and wonderment of the world, without the use of distracting cell phones, they will feel recharged afterwards . Besides being alone with me, Barry’s favorite way of recharging is to go off into nature and be alone. If it can’t be for days at a time, then even a few hours will do wonders for him.

Sometimes life is very busy and we do not have the time to plug into our source of power for a long time. I would like to offer a simple practice that has helped me over the years wherever I go. Sit quietly if you can. However, this can be done standing up even in a long line. Close your eyes (obviously this will not work while driving). Take in a deep breath and imagine that there is a light coming from your true source of power. Breathe in this light through the top of your head and feel as if it is coming down into your heart. Then as you breathe out imagine there is love coming from your heart out into the world or into whatever situation you find yourselves. I have used this in busy airports, grocery lines and sitting quietly in my garden and each time I feel a sense of being connected and recharged.

Let’s strive to keep the battery of our own life operating at a very high level. Tell yourself, “I am more important than my cell phone and I deserve to be recharged and to be filled by the true source of my being.”

Here are a few opportunities to bring more love and growth into your life, at the following longer events led by Barry and Joyce Vissell: Oct 11-17—Assisi Retreat, Italy; Feb 5-12, 2017 - Hawaii Couples Retreat; July 16-21, 2017 - Shared Heart Summer Retreat.

Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world's top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk to Be Healed, The Heart’s Wisdom, Meant to Be, and A Mother’s Final Gift.

Call Toll-Free 1-800-766-0629 (locally 831-684-2299) or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for further information on counseling sessions by phone or in person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their web site at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.