How Thoughts Can Transform Relationships

It is important to have kind thoughts towards our loved ones, whether it be our partner, child, parent, sibling or friend. These thoughts are the prerequisite for a loving, fulfilling and dynamic relationship.

Healthy Boundaries

“Our minds may not need boundaries, but our feelings demand them.”

This  article is about boundaries, a topic that is often poorly understood or, if understood, difficult to honor in day-to-day life. 

What Do You Choose to Remember?

Life is constantly giving us opportunities to make choices as to what we remember. Each day holds many different moments; some painful, joyful, confusing, happy, peaceful, angry and loving. It is up to us as to which ones we remember. Our memories can't hold all these moments, so the ones we choose to remember are important, for we will learn and grow from them. It is a little like selecting the best picture from a stack of proofs. 

Three Kinds of Touch

“We all crave ‘parental’ touch, no matter how much or how little we received as children.”

There’s a cartoon of a man sitting at a desk with a phone in each hand, saying “I put you on hold. You put me on hold. Everyone is put on hold, but nobody feels held.” 

Women's Night

Leslie and Sam, a couple in their early thirties, described a deep love and caring in their relationship, except in their sex life. Sam wished Leslie would enjoy sex more, would be more attracted to him, and would be more sexually spontaneous. Leslie felt that, most of the time, sex was about Sam – his needs, his wishes, even his orgasm. Although she felt Sam’s love for her at other times, during sex she mostly felt his desire for her body. She didn’t really feel loved and cherished. And most of the time, this was actually fine with her. She was happy that Sam was getting what he needed. She was happy to give herself to him. But sometimes she wished he could give to her what she needed.

Angry at Your Ex

A young person wrote to us recently with the following question: “I found out certain things that my former partner did behind my back while we were still together. These things have hurt me very much and I feel filled with anger and hatred toward this person. I have tried counseling, talking with friends, trying to forget about it, going on special trips, doing things I love to do and still this hatred remains in my heart. I am hurting so much and don’t know what to do. Please help me.” 

Kindness Comes Back to Us

Last week I went swimming to the pool I go to in Watsonville. Watsonville is just ten minutes away from us, but when I enter it I feel like I have just stepped into Mexico. Mostly Spanish is spoken, though people understand English. Lately there have been quite a few gang related killings in Watsonville. Most of the gangs are young men from Mexico. The police are overly suspicious and are always on the look out for trouble.

Carried By Dog

Our daughter, Rami, and a friend took our golden retrievers the other day on a walk to a pond near our property. It was an idyllic scene, the pond ringed with cattails and almost waist high still-green meadow grass from the late rains this past year, and the melodious singing of the red-winged blackbirds. But the serenity was about to be broken. The dogs spotted an immature blackbird on one of the cattails and rushed for it. The young bird took off in alarm out across the pond but had not yet perfected its flying skills. It angled lower and lower until it splashed down right in the middle of the pond, where it remained, thrashing about trying to stay afloat. 

The Best Friend Within

Barry and I spend almost all of our time together. We love working together, raising our children, exercising, cooking, cleaning, gardening, playing, telling each other everything and of course being lovers. After thirty-eight years of being together, we still love to be in each other’s presence. 

The Nest of Peace

Shared Heart Column

New Dimensions of Relationship     July 2011

with Joyce and Barry Vissell

“The Nest of Peace”

Finding peace in your lives and relationships, especially if you feel stressed with financial, health, or relationship challenges, can sometimes seem almost impossible. And yet finding that peace is essential. 

The Art of Apology

“If someone feels hurt by us, we need to apologize no matter whether we hurt them intentionally or unintentionally, or whether we feel innocent or guilty.”

Hurting another person is inevitable. Most of the time we do not intend to hurt someone, but still we may. We may be insensitive with our words or actions or even our lack of words when words are needed. We may hurt someone through miscommunication or lack of understanding. Sometimes we hurt someone intentionally, like when we are angry. In either case we need to apologize in order to keep growing spiritually.