How Thoughts Can Transform Relationships

It is important to have kind thoughts towards our loved ones, whether it be our partner, child, parent, sibling or friend. These thoughts are the prerequisite for a loving, fulfilling and dynamic relationship.

Healthy Boundaries

“Our minds may not need boundaries, but our feelings demand them.”

This  article is about boundaries, a topic that is often poorly understood or, if understood, difficult to honor in day-to-day life. 

What Do You Choose to Remember?

Life is constantly giving us opportunities to make choices as to what we remember. Each day holds many different moments; some painful, joyful, confusing, happy, peaceful, angry and loving. It is up to us as to which ones we remember. Our memories can't hold all these moments, so the ones we choose to remember are important, for we will learn and grow from them. It is a little like selecting the best picture from a stack of proofs. 

Three Kinds of Touch

“We all crave ‘parental’ touch, no matter how much or how little we received as children.”

There’s a cartoon of a man sitting at a desk with a phone in each hand, saying “I put you on hold. You put me on hold. Everyone is put on hold, but nobody feels held.” 

Women's Night

Leslie and Sam, a couple in their early thirties, described a deep love and caring in their relationship, except in their sex life. Sam wished Leslie would enjoy sex more, would be more attracted to him, and would be more sexually spontaneous. Leslie felt that, most of the time, sex was about Sam – his needs, his wishes, even his orgasm. Although she felt Sam’s love for her at other times, during sex she mostly felt his desire for her body. She didn’t really feel loved and cherished. And most of the time, this was actually fine with her. She was happy that Sam was getting what he needed. She was happy to give herself to him. But sometimes she wished he could give to her what she needed.

Angry at Your Ex

A young person wrote to us recently with the following question: “I found out certain things that my former partner did behind my back while we were still together. These things have hurt me very much and I feel filled with anger and hatred toward this person. I have tried counseling, talking with friends, trying to forget about it, going on special trips, doing things I love to do and still this hatred remains in my heart. I am hurting so much and don’t know what to do. Please help me.” 

Kindness Comes Back to Us

Last week I went swimming to the pool I go to in Watsonville. Watsonville is just ten minutes away from us, but when I enter it I feel like I have just stepped into Mexico. Mostly Spanish is spoken, though people understand English. Lately there have been quite a few gang related killings in Watsonville. Most of the gangs are young men from Mexico. The police are overly suspicious and are always on the look out for trouble.