This
month of May, my husband Barry and I will both turn seventy. For half of our
lives, we have been writing these articles once a month, 35 years of writing
for magazines and our own list. (Yes, we used to mail out the articles to those
on our mailing list, and we used to write each article by hand). It also means
we can no longer deny that we are truly senior citizens. When we were younger,
we used to look at people our age and say to each other that we would never
grow older. And even though we are both very active and committed to never
retiring, we are growing older and our bodies are slowing down a bit.
But
most significantly, turning seventy is forcing us to look ahead to the future. How
do we want to live the next twenty or more years? I am a swimmer and try to
swim for an hour at least three to four times a week. After my swim at the
local club, I sometimes sit in the hot tub for a few minutes to warm up. It is
usually crowded, and many people only come for the hot tub and seem to love to
talk to others even if they do not know them. Most people are my age, and the
general topic of conversation is about their body ailments.
People talk about their operations, their hips, knees, shoulders, their backs,
what is hurting them and how they are trying to overcome the pain. I sit there
quietly and wonder if this is how I want the next twenty years of my life to
be? Do I want it to be a total concentration on my body and how it isn’t
working the way it used to? Or do I want something more?
I
want my next twenty years or more to be lived with purpose and joy. I often
reflect on the advice given an American teacher, Ram Dass, by his guru. His guru
was dying, and Ram Dass wanted advice on how he should live the rest of his
life. Ram Dass was a young man at the time. His guru went into deep meditation
and, after several hours, he opened his eyes and said simply, “Love everyone, serve
everyone, and remember God.” Then he closed his eyes again and the subject was
closed. Such volumes of wisdom in those few words.
I
want to live the next twenty or more years in love. I want to find even more
ways to love and honor my wonderful husband. I want to deeply love my children
and grandchildren. I want to love and accept myself with all of the changes I will
be going through. Rather than being down on myself because I cannot do
something I could easily do before, I want to be kind to myself and love my
aging body and mind. I want to be constantly trying to bring love and
understanding into every situation, and gentle with myself when I cannot be the
loving person I want to be. I want to develop a more personal relationship with
God and feel how much I love and need that connection.
I
want to be constantly serving in this life. I never ever want to stop. I do not
want to get to the point where I say to myself, “You have done enough, now you
can stop.” My mother and father were such beautiful examples of this to me. My
father had heart disease and lost his hearing completely in his late eighties,
but he did not lose the ability to craft things out of wood. Several months
after being rushed to the hospital with a heart attack, he was back in his
workshop making wooden toys for disadvantaged children. On the day before he
died, he and my mother delivered these beautiful wooden toys to a very poor
pre-school that hardly had any toys. The children were so happy. My dad got
down on the floor and played with the children and the toys. He felt so happy
to be bringing magic and joy to their faces and to give something of himself to
them. My father died the next morning at age 89.
My
mother was constantly writing cards of encouragement and would write maybe eight
a day. Then came the time when she could no longer write, and talking on the
phone confused her. She was confined to a wheelchair. One day she said to Barry
and me, “I realize I cannot do many things. But I can still smile and that will
be my service from now on.” Almost every day, someone in our family took my
mother to the beach where we pushed her along the sidewalk. She would smile at
everyone she passed and they always smiled back. Her presence seemed to uplift them.
She had found a way to serve right up until her death.
I
want to remember my creator and be grateful. Even if I am in physical pain and
my body is not working the way I want it to, I want to remember to be thankful
for the beauty of the earth and its people and animals. I want to remember that
gratefulness can transform any situation. Once, when I was 20 years old, I lay
dying in the Columbia Presbyterian Hospital as a nursing student. Nothing could
be found to help me, and my parents had been called to come to my side for a
final good-by. I knew I was dying and I felt helpless. I felt very vulnerable
as various doctors and medical students came into my room to “study” me and my
condition. One doctor even used a wooden pointer on my body as he addressed his
students on the different things wrong with me. And then I remembered the power
of gratitude. I started thanking everyone that did anything for me. As I did so,
I felt different inside and knew that the gratitude was giving me power to be
myself once again. I began to thank God for my life even though it seemed to be
ending after such a short time here on earth. Each time I felt grateful, I felt
a power move through me and I no longer felt so helpless.
I
want to love, serve and remember until the very day that I die. I want to be
able to look back at my life and feel that I tried in my mission. I will never
be perfect in this, but I can strive to be the best I can be. In this way I
will live with purpose and joy.
Here are a few opportunities to bring
more love and growth into your life, at the following longer events led by
Barry and Joyce Vissell:
.
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are
counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world's
top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of
Love, Risk to Be Healed, The Heart’s Wisdom, Meant
to Be, and
A Mother’s Final Gift.
Call Toll-Free 1-800-766-0629
(locally 831-684-2299) or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140,
Aptos, CA 95001, for further information on counseling sessions by phone or in
person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit
their web site at SharedHeart.org
for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring
past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.
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