How We Internalize Blame

We all carry some degree of self-blame, ways we accuse or condemn ourselves. Often these feelings come from our childhood, where we were blamed for mistakes we made. It’s sad how other people’s blame of us can turn into our blame of ourselves, which then often becomes our secret shame, and can keep us from the happiness we want. When we blame ourselves, it’s then easy to go to step two, which is unworthiness. Rather than seeing ourselves as good people who made mistakes, we can easily choose toxic blame which says we didn’t make mistakes, we ARE the mistakes. With toxic self-blame, there is the deep and hidden feeling that we don’t deserve to be happy and free.

The Screen Free Day: A Great Gift

When our son was young, one of his closest friend’s mother was a rabbi at the local temple. I was especially fascinated by how this family observed each Sabbath. They truly rested for 24 hours from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. They did not answer the phone, except if those calls involved their son. So if I was calling about logistics for the day for volleyball or going skiing and taking their son, they would pick up the phone. They would not answer all other calls, except emergencies. They did not go on their computer at all. They allowed their bodies and minds to rest and be recharged. I thought it was the loveliest of all traditions and I admired them greatly for doing this.

My Love of Solitude and My Fear of Aging

Typically once a year I go on a solo adventure. I’m called by solitude. It balances the deep work I do in the counseling and workshops. My first choice is being alone with Joyce, the best of both worlds. The two of us have a beautiful balance of solitude, silence and the delight of relationship. Being alone with my beloved in the wilderness adds, for me, the element of joy, the nectar of sensuality, the conversations which become voyages of discovery into one another’s souls, and the comfort of taking sweet care of each other, each in our own way. But alas, Joyce is sometimes not up for the magnitude of my adventures.